Agonies of a Young Author

So because homework has exploded into my life, and I have no time to really think about a posting, I'm leaving you today with a few quotes from Virginia Woolf on the creative process and a few general links for writers. 

So three minutes before midnight, go!

When I was young- namely a bare two years ago- I was obsessed with the idea that I needed to be a child prodigy, and publish in my teens. Each birthday, I would set a personal goal. "I will be published by 17... by 18... before 19..." I was determined to follow in the footsteps of Christopher Paolini and Amelia Atwater-Rhodes. At the very least, I figured I should be like Jane Austen (my authorial superhero) and be able to write my personal Pride and Prejudice at the age of 21. And I DID become published (before 19, I think, but I can't even remember- see how meaningless it turned out to be?) but I compromised a part of myself to do so.* Now I'm wiser. I realize that figures like these are very very very rare. There's a reason I could only name two teenage authors like this, and I had to go back 200 years to pull out the Jane Austen reference. Even she had room to grow. She wrote only the first version of P&P at 21, then stuck it in a drawer for almost 20 years. 

Tonight is the Valentine's Day Eve. When everyone is excited, breathless with anticipation for tomorrow's surprises, full of the dread of the anxieties of romance- will he bring me roses? will she say yes? and other romantic ideals. My romantic ideal includes the idea that I can keep on schedule, writing consistantly in a blur of responsibility. But since Michael Wartan is not showing up at my door tomorrow night at 7 sharp, I suppose there is no reason to bereate myself for breaking my New Year's resolutions on the first day either. I can wallow in sadness guiltlessly, crying over sad movies alone and unpublished.....

Or not. I can get off my butt, get on the computor and return to the basics. The LBD (little black dress for the non-Vogue redears), the ruby red Chanel lipstick, and the blog.

Even though I have not been writing the blog, that doesn't mean that I haven't been pursuing the writing life. I've been thinking - a lot- about the way in which I've been approaching writing. I've tried for so long to be very responsible, very mature in my approach, the definition of a professional. I've realized that I'm overcompensating. I've been too conscious of my age and my empty portfolio, and thus have imbued my writing time with a SERIOUS GOAL, and a CLEAR PURPOSE and a DRIVEN MANNER. But I forgot something crucial to the whole business, and it affects the rest of my writing in the most significant way.

I forgot FUN.

The reason that I started writing was that I enjoyed writing. I loved it. I had FUN writing, in coming up with extravegent plots, with wild twists and turns, in memorable characters. Then I got SERIOUS, and thought more about REALISM and MARKETABILITY and DURABILITY. And I lost the part about having FUN. I didn't have fun anymore. I dind't like to write anymore, because I was too hung up on myself. Picking up the pen was more of a hassle that surpressing the creative desire in me, and too too easily, the Muse was locked away. Then she came less and less, until the time when I open up the closet door, and find that she escaped out the window when I wasn't paying attention. Then I have to put up flyers, and call around the neighborhood, and go to a lot trouble to find what was mine in the first place, and that I didn't appreciate enough to take care of. So now I've learned my lesson. I'm done with locking the Muse in the closet when she's inconvient. I'm done with leaving her alone when the neighbors SELF-DOUBT and PRETENTION show up. I'm taking my Muse out for a little girlfriend time, me and her, on a roadtrip to POSSIBLE. We're starting with coffee tomorrow.

... A continuation of yesterday's post, but with more detail, and more blather. Somehow I wound up doing yard work today, and didn't sit down to plan a post in my newly returned writing calender. Only now the guilt is riding me, saying "How can you fail at your New Year's resolutions on January 2nd?!?!?!" Darn all consciences anyways. But here I am, back sore and morale duly chastised, ready and reporting for duty. So! Writing Wish List:

1) Magazines. Yes I know I'm obsessed. AND I know I wrote on this yesterday, but bear with me. Going to college means losing the simplicity of having a single home base. Now there are two addresses. Which one do you send the important stuff too? Going to college across the country has made the problem irreconcilable. What happens in the winter? The long three months of summer? But sending magazines home isn't profitable either. So thus far I've resisted subscribing to my favorites, denial and self-discipline which is causing angtsy, rebellious pressure. You know, Newton's Third Law ..."equal and opposite reaction"? So it overflows here in the blog. (Sorry) But I also do consider magazines important, not just time or money wasters. Writers are supposed to reflect the world we live in, whether by direct represention or through metaphorical or mirroring techniques. And the world is not limited to my perceptions or my experiences, but the sum of all humanity. As a writer, it is almost a need, a duty, to seek out the new, the exotic, the strange, or just simply the unfamilar so that my world is balanced and completed. So magazines are a good, voyaristic way into other perceptions of the world. Or maybe I should have chosen the word obsessions- magazines give each of us a peek into the obsessions, the over-whelming love that another has. I will never be as interested in fashion or photography as a fashion editor or a famous photographer, but through a magazine, I can, for a period of time, understand that interest. And one day, if I am called to, I can take that, and make my character be a fashion editor or a famous photographer realistically. I always joke how writing lets me have multiple careers, but in truth, through writing, I can have multiple careers, multiple ways of life, multiple perspectives. I like to think of it as having fingers in multiple pies, whether it be fashion or travel or photography or architecture or politics or...

2) Better music to write to. Right now my iPod is a rampant mess, with music that I haven't touched in 5-6 years, and much that I hardly recall downloading. But what I really want is great mood music. That doesn't always mean sad or serious, but also great bouncy music as well- just music to suit every modd and enhance emotions when the  subtle tone of a piece is barely grasped by the fingertips...

3) A single, organized, dedicated space that is singly and simply for writing. Nothing else. It will have all my materials there, and NO CLUTTER! I have a desk now, but I need a space for writing, not paying bills or answering letters or whatever else I seem to do with my time. The writing resource books all recommend something like this (come to think of it, all study tips including this as well, hmmmm) to enforce the mentality of being serious and working, but yeah.... I didn't do so well with the studying either hehehehehe.

4) Creating a porfolio. This isn't so much a wish list item but more of a to-do, but I would need to at least buy the portfolio part, so that's the half I'm wishing for. The stuff inside is another matter, and another post.

5) An external hard-drive, because I've lost all my notes once, and I'm NEVER doing that again. SO I fear putting anything on my computor, but that does seem to cut productivity in general as well, which is not the intended, or desired result.

There are more, but again, these are more to-do or personal goals, so I won't bore you or myself with pontificating on them. But I will write them down in my newly resotred calender, and maybe in fifty years a biographer will want to look it over. lol

Right now:
What I'm listening to: Kate Nash "Pumpkin Soup" (Which has nothing to do with Pumpkin Soup, so I'm a little confused...)
What I want most: Magazines, of course. Didn't we cover this?

Happy New Years everyone! Goodbye to 2008 and hello 2009!

What a year this is going to be! I can just fell the good karma rolling around. I can't wait to see what's in store! I have a great feeling for this year, with new adventures and excitement lurking around every corner. I also have many blessings to be thankful from in this past year. This New Year's really has much more meaning than its ever held before, and I'm really only barely comprehending that fact as I write. There's been many changes in my life in a very short period of time, and I feel this is my chance to embrace the change. For the better, of course.

So first great news of 2009! My lost baggage has FINALLY arrived, meaning that all my writing journals that I had given up for lost are now miraculously restored! I'm so happy- I was lost in indecision, hating that I was losing time on my projects, yet reluctant to replace the materials in case that the bag did finally someday show up. But no more! Now I can cheerfully return to all my mental putzing. (That's my family's word for wasting time on small, meaningless, and unproductive tasks.)

So my literary resolutions for the coming year:
1) Be more dedicated to the blog. Meaning planned topics, researched topics, and a better adherence to the whole "daily" part of the title.
2) Writing every day. Creative writing, not just here on the blog or in a journal, but 15 solid minutes of random story.
3) Expanding my reading horizons. I usually read in phases, where for two or three years the majority of what I read is mystery, or sci-fi, or "literary" or whatever, but I don't think it's good to be that focused on a genre. It limits my thinking, and that in turn limits my writing.
4) Subscribing to magazines. This means any kind, although especially literary publications. I think the constant turnover is a valuable mental stimulus, at least for writers. Becoming stagnant is a writers worst mistake, and one that I think might be most easily committed.
5) Reading short story collections. I usually hate these, but there is a value in learning both the form and discovering the authors. I really am prejudiced in what I tend to read. Sigh.
6) Sending out more options to be published. I actually just got my first direct rejection (instead of the vague, no response back kind of rejection) and it did hurt. I am just as guilty of arrogance as any, even if I did read all those books that guaranteed rejections in the double and triple digits. But I think I'm also guilty of not taking writing seriously. I resisted and resisted it for so long, that now I've made it into a hobby, and not a career. Which makes me sad. So now I'm resolving to do better, much better.

So crack open the champagne (well, only if you're 21. Sadly, I am not partaking for another year and 10 days- and oh yes, I'm counting) bring out the streamers, and jack up the volume! This party's just started and it's gonna be a hell of a time!

Right now:
What I'm listening to: The firecrackers, and the party next door, the drunken revelers outside...
What I want most: Water, actually. I'm really thirsty right now.