Agonies of a Young Author

aka, big girls don't cry.

aka, big girls read classic poetry.

aka, Shelly pulled up her big girl pannies and went to Barnes and Nobles to buy big girl poetry. Namely, Emily Dickinson, Slyvia Plath, and Langsten Hughes.

I figured it was time to stop salivating over Wislawa Szymborska and go read some other people. Okay, I'll never stop drooling over "Nothing Twice" or "Could Have" or any of my other favorites. But I should expand so that I won't be writing in imitation of Szymborska for the rest of my life, which is of course what I am doing now. Not in the good, healthy, learning way either.

Maybe that's why my poetry is so bad. It's not me and it's not her. It's somewhere in between, and somewhere in between is a lost, frigid, desolate, unpublished sort of place. Heh.

Anyways, I have worked through the scholarly introduction to Dickinson, and the first few pages. I haven't yet touched the others, out of a misguided need to finish the entire Dickinson collected works before moving on to the next poet. Which will keep me poetically ignorant until the end of doomsday. *Note to Self: Ignore AR tendencies, amp up rational diversification*

I take it as a good thing that I have at least bought the books. It's a 12 step program:

1) Think of the books
2) Think of the books in connection with the thought of buying them
3) Go to the bookstore and forget to buy the books
4) buy the books
5) put books on bookshelf
6) take books down, move to couch, forget, reshelve
7) repeat
8) open cover
9) read intro
10) re-read intro
11) read first chapter
12) re-read first chapter through to the end chapter

Yep, yep. That's how it goes. For pretty much any real book of hefty worth and weight. Especially my textbooks. I mean, recommended reading. No, I mean extra research, I mean..... damn. Daddy don't read this part, 'kay?

Write Now:
What I'm listening to: ABBA "Winner Takes It All"
What I want most: schleeeeeeeeeeep!

Realization #1: I am made for long term goals. I have one now. It is awesome. Someday in the next three years, you might hear about it. (*snicker*)

Realization #2: Fiction makes me happy. I finished 1000 words last night, and I feel accomplished! And excited.

Realization #3: I had a small epiphany. Some established writer whom I can't recall from a blog I can't name said that the most important thing for an upcoming writer is to finish something, and that will put you ahead of everyone else. I am going to finish something.

Realization #4: I was made to be the chatelaine of some estate, mainly because I have an obsession with High Tea and a disdain for Meaningful Employment (other than writing.) If I could lurk around in a parlor at a writing desk with ink-stained fingertips all day, I would. Because I also have a thing for fountain pens.

But I don't feel like talking about writing today. So for your amusement, a list of random whimsical things that I stole from another blog, which stole it from another blog, which modified (stole) it from another blog...

If I could be a month, I’d be September.

If I could be a day of the week, I’d be Saturday.
If I could be a time of day, I’d be 8 pm.


If I could be a planet, I’d be Earth.


If I could be a sea animal, I’d be an mermaid.


If I could be a direction, I’d be north.


If I could be a piece of furniture, I’d be a secretary desk.


If I could be a liquid, I’d be rain.


If I could be a gemstone, I’d be fire opal.


If I could be a tree, I’d be a weeping willow.


If I could be a tool, I’d be a typewriter.


If I could be a flower, I’d be a night blooming cerius . (all credit goes to J.B. whose photo is this is, and whose blog is where I first saw such a lovely flower, and fell in love with it. Many thanks and apologies!)

If I could be a kind of weather, I’d be grey clouds.


If I could be a musical instrument, I’d be a harpiscord.


If I could be a color, I’d be azure blue.


If I could be an emotion, I’d be accepting.


If I could be a fruit, I’d be a kiwi.


If I could be a sound, I’d be the wind in the leaves at my feet.


If I could be an element, I’d be water.


If I could be a car, I’d be a TC Scion (black with red spokes).
If I could be a taste, I’d be savoury (like a bite of pear and cheese on cracker).


If I could be an object, I’d be Victorian steamer trunk.


If I could be a pair of shoes, I’d be high-heeled boots.

Right Now:
What I'm listening to: "Rebel Prince" by Rufus Wainwright
What I want most: to move in to the new apartment now

People-- I WANT this library. WANT WANT WANT WANT.

Now, how to get it? (*lesigh*)

I always knew that I would never make money being a writer, but seeing a library like that always causes regrets. And sometimes, I might even--gasp!-- rue switching from a business major my freshman year.

But not for long. I think the current personal record of longest regret is holding steady at 2.5 nanoseconds.

Still. STILL. That is a BAMF library.

I shall have to get REAL creative with my writing royalties. The, ahem *coughcough*, futureforthcomingones. You know, those. The ones that I'll get after selling finding an agent for pitching finishing writing my first novel.

Yeah, those.

Right Now:
What I'm listening to: People in Planes "Pretty Buidings"
What I want most: a super duper awesome library with room for ALL my books

BLAHHHHHHHHHH!

So. Post. Thinking. Yes. Thinking is good.

Um, writing. Posting about writing. Writing... writing is... writing is...

is...

....


Post was not planned.

Usually I have a general preconception of what I want to talk about, and I think I had one for today, except, well-- I forgot it. So now, scrambled brain. Rambling post.

General Updates: More poems out. More poems written. SheWrites is generally BAMF. Academia today was pretty much BAMF. My downloading program is NOT! b.a.m.f. so I have over 5 hours to wait for my copy of Kuch Naa Kaho (one of my favorite bollywood films ever. I have a thing for Aishwarya Rai, just the same as I have a thing for Angelina Jolie... nobody else seems to like them, but I adore both. In some ways, I view them very similarly.)

Um, videos. We might as well talk about videos. These are some of my favorite movies, in no particular order:

1) The Invisible (alright well this one does happen to be my #1 favorite)
2) Mansfield Park
3) Sahara
4) Atlantis
5) Kuch Naa Kaho
6) North and South (no it's not a FILM, per se, but I count it anyways)
7) The Secret Garden
8) Hackers
9) Pride and Prejudice
10) You've Got Mail

There are others, but these come easiest to mind. And you know the strongest trend among all of these movies? Strong central romantic relationship.

*Foreheadslap*

I have turned out to be an incurable subconscious romantic. Lord help me now, I cannot preserve my cynical facade without strong binding glue and some metallic glue.

Right Now:
What I'm listening to: "Kuch Naa Kaho" title track
What I want most: this stupid movie to download faster!!!!!!.....

So just a mid-afternoon quickie-- blog that is! (get your mind out of the gutter. Jeez! You people)

I got word today that my transcription job got given away to someone. Apparently, I wasn't as "hired" as I thought I was. =/

It sometimes surprises me the very business side of writing. Not that transcriptions are writing, but it was for an author who just needed cheap student labor (hey, what can I say? I'm a growing girl with a grocery bill and out-of-state tuition) and I made the association in my mind. But this like the real business world has it's professional mishaps, and I fell (as a somewhat amused) victim to such uncontrollable events.

As predominantly a writer, I sometimes don't deal well with events that I can't control. I can control how long I write, and how often I write, and how often I submit. I can deal with uncontrollable events like rejections (or publications, but this is not quite in line with the rest of my reasoning) because I can control how I react to them. But things like being passed over based on geographical location...

I'm really ok with the decision-- I probably don't realistically have time for this job, and it opens up other opportunities (more on that tomorrow). But I guess I just really wish I could be prepared for these kind of things.

Haha- in reality, it probably boils down to: I wanted to re-engage on them, rather than them on me. Either way, I don't take on the job, but I get the prideful satisfaction that I rejected them.

Oh vey.

Right Now:
What I'm listening to: "Everybody" by Ingrid Michaelson
What I want most: sleeeeeeeeeep

Today is one of those days where caffeine and chocolate might be the only things that get me through. I woke up and had an all crushing WAVE of writing duties sweep into my consciousness. I realized that I have slacked off entirely this last week, and although I'm going to try and catch up, I have a feeling that some things are going to snake around and bite me right in the behind. It's just one of those feelings you recognize only after there is nothing you can do about it.

But that's okay. I'll just have to deal with it like any adult would. So, on with the scheduled programing.

1) I'm moving on from my urban fantasy genre phase. I can recognize it's passing. Mystery occupied my 8 to 12-year-old stage, classical fantasy my 12-16 stage, and urban fantasy my 16-20 phase. Now I recognize the apathy and restlessness, and suspect I will shortly be moving on into the literary genre for the next phase. Not to say that I'll abandon my favorites of the genre, or abandon the stories I've got going. They'll stick around. It's just time for me to move on. (I always did like the idea of blurred genre anyways,)

2) I posted my entry into ROD #5 today. As always, the entry is limited to 250 words, and is based an illustration you can see here at Deadline Dames. My entry has a classical sci-fi twist to my normal urban fantasy, and I hope you enjoy reading it. I had fun ignoring convention. Any comments are welcome.

***

This really had not been one of her brighter ideas.

Instead of blending with the other passengers, she felt ridiculous, highlighted in her cloak and dress against the clouds visible through the spaceship's observation deck. The ship began to dock, and the planet reflected its cool displeasure in the gray and stormy weather. Empira always was inhospitable, but not because of the environment.
No, no. It was because of the vampires.
Vampires exclusively colonized Empira since the mid 2500s, and Kinsey, more fool her, decided to flaunt, or at least test, the decree against unregistered human visitors. The ruling government had to be extremely careful about the well-being of all humans on the planet, for propaganda reasons, and the application process took years. For law-abiders.
Kinsey shifted restlessly, trying to discretely itch at where her corset dug into the ... ahem, more fleshy parts of her anatomy. If she wasn't killed by the vampires, she was definitely killing whoever suggested this stereotype of a costume. Then again, only if the vampires didn't kill her. She had planned on the likelihood of getting arrested, and then petitioning from jail to find Grampa Al, but who really knew how vampires would react? Maybe they would simply deport her. Maybe they would throw her into jail but then would refuse her request to search for him.
Argh! So many things could go wrong. Next time, she would simply refuse to search out any long lost relatives. Screw the treasure. It wasn't worth it.

***

3) Blurbs suck. Did you know that? The purpose of a blurb is to grab your attention and your interest, but most times if I read the back cover I gag. And refuse to buy the book. If I skip the blurb and read the first chapter, I usually buy the book. Isn't that interesting?

4) I'm bored. Which means that changes are coming. If I'm bored, then I scheme to make myself un-bored. And my schemes are... well, my schemes might be slightly legendary around the house. The Maternal Figure at least knows to be scared. So, fair warning. (*evil grin*) But this is all a subject for another post.

5) I've updated my Tumblr site. Oh, didn't know I had one? Well, I do, but I haven't been promoting it well. Or keeping up. But again, that's all changing (see bullet number 4.)

6) I have a new Sekrit Shiny Project that I'm working on. I'm growing more and more excited about this one, and I really hope that everything works out. Not a story, but just general literary kickA**- ness. And dang, I wants it.

7) I am now on GoodReads. I'll be poking around and figuring it out in the next couple of days. I would love for you to contact me there.

8) I am now on CritPartner Match. I will be updating my profile after this post, but I am currently looking for another crit partner or two who deals with creative non-fiction. Again, I would love to see you there. Or, if you happen to be interested in CP-ing creative non-fiction, or know of someone else, please leave a comment.

9) I'm bored. And I'm not getting feedback from YOU readers. Are you there? Do you exist? Are you really reading, or do you just say that you are? Soooo I was thinking: question and answer time! At the moment I include music and the "what I want most" in the Right Now section. Would you be interested in a status (not one of those horrible mood trackers, but an elegant version?) or in a location ("at a table in Starbucks" or "the library" for example)? You can decide what I do! Vote now in the comments section!!

10) I want to build more than a blog but also a resource for writers. Well, resource might be the wrong word, but a community. I truly enjoy Debbie Ridpath Ohi's comics, and I would love to do something similar. A resource for the writing life, I guess I mean. I was happy with my post about ABC's writing show Castle, and I want to continue. Do you have any suggestions? Again, head down to the comments section! And for now, I give you a new band that I found on You Tube, whose song "Dusty Typewriter" tickled my writer's fancy.

Over and out.

Right Now:
What I'm listening to: Novelle Vague's Dusty Typewriter.
What I want most: an impressive blog

So I crashed on a table-top for an hour, when all I wanted to do was lay my head down for a second.... 

Hi all.