Agonies of a Young Author

The dread word.

Finals. (*shudder*)

At least I have the excuse of a poetry portfolio to prepare for to get in those hours of poetry fix. On the other hand, I have the excuse of a poetry portfolio to prepare for to screw away 5 hours or so. Uhhhhhh, I mean...

Ahem. Anyways.

So I have 40 or so poems to do a final revision on and get printed. But this is amongst my other papers and finals, so Time. Management. Is. Key.

Also, Internet. Use. Must. Be. Limited.

But I really dislike that last sentence. Right now, I'm so starved for outside stimulation to offset the pressures of studying one subject for hours on end that my normal internet routine is not cutting it.

So I'm opening it up to comments. Where do YOU go for intellectual stimulation and/or wonder? What writing rejuvenation do you find out there on the web? Is there any author whose you have a blog-crush on, and who never fails to make you feel better?

I have a thought that has been bothering me for days, and subjects me alternatively to guilt, shame, unease, unhappiness, and discontent.

I love being published. But the rapid return in publishing that I have seen in the last six months-- in the last six WEEKS- makes me wonder.

Am I just whoring myself out?

I get published, yes. And one can argue that any published work is better than no work at all. However, when I get three poems all accepted to the same magazine, is that real publication? ESPECIALLY when a "filler" poem got accepted? I have taken the Paternal Voice's advice to always submit the maximum amount, because it truly does make statistical sense, and have been sending off batches of 4 or 5 or 6 poems with the understanding that not all of the poems will exactly fit the venue, and with the understanding that one, if any, of the poems will be seriously considered for publication. Even less will actually be published.

So I suddenly get published, boom boom boom, and I am left in the dark, on my back, wondering if I have just been used. Could I have done better? Was this the wisest choice? There is that flavor of shame and regret that accompanies bad life decisions that lingers in my mouth.

I don't know. I don't know what IS the best move. Poetry publication is very different than book/novel publishing. I somewhat understand that sort of industry from Writer's Digest and The Writer (which tend to focus on longer pieces), but I admit that I have not yet come to understand the strategy behind the poetry publication industry.

So, what IS it that I should do? Should I continue to publish, or should I hold my work in reserve, trying to find the "ideal" market that I'm not sure even exists? I don't know.

For now, all I can do is write. And ask around for the opinions of other writers and professionals that have come up against this issue before. So chime in. I'd love to know what you think, and how you dealt with this yourself.

Right now:
What I'm listening to: poetry.
What I want most: good advice.

Well, I turned in that application today-- the one to the Writing Resource Center here at campus that I asked for help on the other day. Of course, I didn't turn in the essay that I asked for help on. It pretty much got trashed in its entirity. I think I salvaged about 3 sentences. But that's ok, since what I turned in was so much stronger.

It was interesting, to get back all the reviews that I did, from here and from Fanstory.com, and be able to see what people thought of my essay. The main criticism that I recieved was that I wrote the essay as a personal essay, instead of a formal application to a job. The fact that someone (or several someones) was able to pull that out of the chaos and be able to recognize that as a weakness was not only humbling but helpful. The new approach gained from that mindset enabled me to fly through the second draft, and craft a piece that I can feel proud of. I was really satisfied by the end result, and I think now I have a better chance of being accepted.

Anyways, thanks for all the help, and cross your fingers that I get the job!

Right now:
What I want most: a nap or a snack, I can't decide which...
What I'm listening to: ticking clock, tapping keys, chairs creaking and small slurps of chai-- all the sounds of hard work and studying

So I have an application deadline coming up soon for a writing position here on campus. And I would like people to look over my application essay. The requirements are 300-500 words, on this topic:
Explain why you would like to be a writing and oral communication consultant. Indicate any related experience you’ve had and/or qualifications for the position, including relevant class work. Also include any other information you think we should know as we consider your application.

And so, PLEASE tell me what you think. I have been applying to this job for my third time in a row now, and I really really want to actually get it.

*****
I love words. Really, really love words.

I love playing with words, rearranging word order or debating between minute word differences. Words are everything to me- more than a drug, more than a god, more than anything. And for many years, I've been on one side of the pen, but I believe that to become a better writer I need to understand how to effectively edit as well.
I believe that I do have a natural sort of talent at identifying problem areas, but I would like to be officially trained, and more desirable still, I would like to learn solutions. Instinct is fine, but I would like to have the confidence and experience of formal education behind me.
I would also like to work with academic and expository writing. With my background in fiction and poetry, it's easy to forget that critical papers require just as much creativity. I do realize this, and would like to get involved in this other side of the creative process. Writing is not, as I sometimes think, limited to the profession of publishing, but is a product of the entire world around us-- from the casual to the intensely formal. It is impossible, and harmful, to ignore something that is as vital as academic or analytical writing.
I would love to be a part of that creative process for a student here on campus. The ability to collaborate artistically is one of the most beneficial and enjoyable pursuits available, and I have determined to spend my life in that sort of environment. Sometimes, however, the campus atmosphere is detrimental to that sort of mindset-- encouraging individual excellence to a point of self-sufficiency that is exclusionist in scope. I believe that collaborative projects can be broader in vision and more successful in implementation than projects undertaken by a single individual. Truly extraordinary papers are created by the same sort of cohesive effort.
I have seen the benefits of collaborative work in the creative writing peer review group critINK that I founded and directed this past semester. The atmosphere of the meetings are wonderful, and all works have truly improved, not only for the writer, but also for the reviewer. Sometimes the only way to learn is to put aside your own work and help someone else. I know that personally I have benefited more from my role as the director of this group that I ever expected, or could ever expect as a member, because in my quest to help others, I have incidentally helped myself. I am more knowledgeable because of others, and I am more well-versed because of others.
In short, I have applied before to this position, and I have been rejected before. But I do not consider this a failure. Each time I am forced into a new position that helps me grow as a writer. And each application is another step towards a goal that I have determined is my destiny.