Agonies of a Young Author

So today I want to talk about a chance compliment I received back in spring that has really motivated me in the successive months.

I had submitted to a publication on campus that was a little out of my comfort zone, one that focused on expressions of female sexuality. I was unsure about contributing to something so risque, especially with my conservative background growing up. Still, there was some poking and prodding instinct to go ahead and risk it! So I sent in two poems and a personal essay, and was published.

The magazine was released a few days before I attended a job related BBQ. I was the new hire, and unfamiliar with most of the people around me. As I sat down with my burger and my beer, all out of the blue, a male co-worker I never inner-acted with before asked me "Did you write such and such piece?"

Me: (stunned) um, yes?

I really liked it, he replied.

I couldn't believe it. One, that he read the magazine. Two, he read my pieces, three, associated them with ME, and four, remembered long enough to bring it up. What kind of alternative reality was I in? Was that really non-alcoholic beer, or had something else been slipped in?

But as I continue down the road, I realize more and more how wonderful a compliment he paid me. Here I had taken a huge personal leap of faith into a world I was not familiar or comfortable in, and yet someone still found me not only competent but qualified.

If that co-worker had never said anything, I'm not sure that I would have had the courage to continue submitting to that particular magazine. I probably would have left it as a one time fling with the wild side. But because of what he did, I find that I have the strength to embrace this new world. And guess what? I love talking about female sexuality. Not because I'm some uber-radical, or because I represent the conservative side of the argument, but because it's a part of my humanity. Not some stereotype, but just simple human experience.

Because of him, I was excited to write a second personal essay for the upcoming fall 2010 issue, which has been accepted. In fact, I'm working on a third I hope to squeak in under deadline (18 days!). And I want to pursue these topics to other venues, other magazines. I want to see where this can take me. I want to see how I grow and learn and mature in life and in writing. I want to surprise myself. I want to challenge myself. And I don't want to stop because of some excuse like "that just isn't who I am." I don't know yet. I'm not defined. I'm not fixed.

All I know is, part of me has changed for good because of a chance compliment.

And if sometimes I write with him in mind, well, maybe that's not such a bad thing either.

Write Now:
What I'm listening to: "Sand in My Shoes" by Dido (Somehow it's so apropos...)
What I want most: the Kris Longknife book that comes out tomorrow! Squeeeeeeeee!

After a morning full of a series of depressing articles: "So You Wanna Go to Grad School?" "Graduate School in the Humanities: Just Don't Go" and "Deprogramming from the Academic Program" my motivation is low and my confusion is high. Not about grad school, per se -- I'm pretty convinced that even if I learn nothing in an MFA program (and that's highly unlikely) the two years of concentrated output is a visible benefit.  Plus, any program comes with exposure to new authors/works and networking with professors and other students. So, an MFA is a 99% likelihood. 


However, these articles tap into the approaching reality of post-grad life. What kind of job can a creative writer find? Is it truly possible to support yourself financially as a full time freelancer? Is there even freelance work for someone not interested in non-fiction/journalism? How much writing do you truly do with a 9 to 5 job? Is it possible to find a compatible lifestyle balancing writing and "reality"?


There are no answers. Google did have somewhat encouraging search results for "writing jobs"- grant writers and business writers most numerous, but from companies I didn't expect and could be more enthused about than I expected. Still, it's a scary scary world out there, and I don't deal well with uncertainty. I work better having defined steps to achieve a goal, and while finishing my undergrad and then grad school takes care of the next four-ish years, I would still like some article out there to say "Hey look! Do this, and you become qualified for 'reality'!" 


Of course, that's the wet dream of every humanities major, so this is nothing new. 


So, to counter the depression, a return back to what I know. Writing. And a little offering of humor. 


Devin Galaudet's The Creative Writer’s Bill of Rights (or The Creative Bill of Writes)

1. The artist can turn off all filters and say anything about any subject, at any time, for any reason.
2. No subject matter, no how uncomfortable or offensive to self or others, is off limits
3. No single word: expletive or other no-no should be avoided due to political correctness or fear. If the word is appropriate in the context of the writing, it should stay. *
4. Any random thought should be written down by the writer, especially when the writer’s internal voice says, you can’t say that!
5. No matter how perfect a writing is, it could be edited down further or expanded upon.
6. Sometimes a writer will have to kill his or her babies. This means some great ideas/lines/articles will have to be removed, taken out, destroyed, sacrificed or edited in order to make the writing better. It can be a painful process.
7. Making changes that others have suggested, after careful scrutiny, gives the writer more authority as a writer.
8. Ignoring changes that others have suggested, after careful scrutiny, gives the writer more authority as a writer.
9. Getting a big authentic reaction is good – whether the reader liked the writing or not. Big reactions like “You suck,” is not a good reason to rewrite.
10. Taking a risk is a good thing.
11. Making a difference takes risk.
* Writing for shock value: using words and topics to offend for the sake of being offensive, is not creative. It is divisive and outside the scope of this sacred document — where is good parchment when you need it?

Write Now: 
What I'm listening to: The news (It's hurting my ears)
What I want most: chocolate, and good wine, and a hug

For fun, because I have masochistic tendencies, I use break to figure out my life... that is graduate schools, M.F.A. vesus M.A. programs, fellowships, grants, scholarships, summer activities, etc.

Etc. etc. etc. etc. etc.

It's really... stressful. Really, really, really stressful. I have so many possibilities, so many opportunities...

On the other hand, I have so many possibilities, so many opportunities. It's amazing what I can do. I'm excited and inspired to see the line of stretched-out and scheduled slots for this summer, next summer, the following summer, even the next next next summer...

Ahhhhhhhhh, amazing.

Currently there are very tenative plans for the Bread Loaf summer program next summer, if everything works out. (It never does, but whatever. I'm dreaming.)

And conferences. Oh, the conferences. Have I mentioned that I'm going to the CNU writing conference? I'm going to the CNU writing conference. In two days. On Friday. So excited! I have some really cool classes that I'm attending- Trauma in Memoir, Haiku Aesthetics, and Allusion in Poetry.

I'm also pretty much guaranteed to go to the Pennwriter's conference in May as well. They have a class on breaking into the graphic novel market-- I'm totally geeking out about this. I've secretly wanted to expand into graphic novels for about a year... we'll see how it works out. I'm thinking about taking a drawing class soon (pass/fail option of course; I don't have time to work for a grade on a drawing class. None of that.)

Anyways, exciting stuff. I should go back and work on it more. (*happy, happy, happy, happy*)

Right now:
What I'm listening to: Criminal Minds!!!!!
What I want most: conference funding, conference funding!