Friday, March 12

Straight Out of a Book

Posted by Shelly Holder

Conference, Part One:

It was a series of unfortunate events. Our heroine, sweet and lovely, went to bed unaware of her coming trials and tribulations. Little did she know the horrors waiting for her on the morn...

First, I already had a cold, so I slept later than I wanted to. Not overslept, mind (I did say wanted to, rather than intended to)... just later than I wanted to. Then, because of the cold and the fact that I couldn't breathe, I must have slept at some weird angle, because when I was blow-drying my hair, I flipped my head back and gave myself whiplash.


Me: ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh shit.

I wretched my neck and almost passed out from the pain. I thought I broke my neck, the crunching noise was so... crunchy. And the charley-horse agony sent my to my knees-- literally. I spent the next twenty minutes on the floor, trying not to vomit and trying to massage out my poor abused muscles without manipulating the fragments of my spine into my blood stream or anyplace else they should not be. I discovered that it was a BAD. IDEA to move my head to the left at all... and had to learn how to do a whole lot of things stiff as a board.

Then I picked up my business cards, a ray of light in what I already knew to to be a grey, drizzly, dismal, hair-frizzing day. I knew, because I looked out the window, and felt the drops of water on my face as I walked outside. And from my first glance in a reflective window. But not to my left, obviously.

Then, I got lost. Well, not lost, because I had a GPS system in my lovely Rosie car, but rather lost because I had the wrong address. Or rather, the conference website had the wrong address. So thanks to the Maternal Figure, who dealt with a rather panicked phone call and troubleshooted my way out of po-dunk and into the university (I was literally at a barn.)

Then I was at the university... but not at the conference. So I traipsed my way from one end of campus to the other, asking knowledgeable and not-so-knowledgeable students where the conference was? Alright then, what about and info desk? No? What about an administrator? ... Do you actually go to school here?!?...  You know, that guy over there has a walkie-talkie. Let me go ask him. No, really, thanks for the help.

Finally, finally, I arrived at the building where I was supposed to be... but no conference.

Why, God, whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?!?

Thankfully, it was only around a corner (oh dear lord thank you) and I got registered and ushered in only ten minutes late. Apparently, they were having some technical difficulties of their own, so I lucked out.

And the day went uphill from there... except for my neck, and the fact that I couldn't turn my head, and really should NOT have been driving. There may or not have been frustrated and self-pitying tears in the car on the way home out of sheer misery- I might have stayed too long in one position, even though I tried to get up and stretch (well, not stretch, since I couldn't move, but just... ease the tension a little). Eventually, I bailed out early...sadly, but not too sadly, because I was/am miserable. Hence, the 5th amendment tears.

The conference itself was okay/good. The speaker that I particularly went for didn't address the topics that I was hoping for, but rather glossed over them. Still, I got some of the answers I was looking for in a roundabout way, so I guess I break even.

And I got to hand out a business card! Used it on the first day-- how's that for a profit return!

So, we'll see how tomorrow goes. Hopefully the neck will be better. And I look forward to the workshops.

Right Now:
What I'm listening to: Nothing.
What I want most: no more neck pain! no more neck pain!