Agonies of a Young Author

*Glint*

*Glint*

*Glint*

No, that's not the sunlight bouncing off my sunglasses, but rather the gleam of vice in my eyes. Coming from holding a Poet's Market 2010 in my hands. 

Mine. MINE. My precccccccccccccccious.

I would add either a "*strokes lovingly*" or a *maniacal laugh: bwahahahahahaha*" here, but I DO want my readers to come back to the blog, and have promised to keep it in line. Somewhat.

I was happily gifted with the Poet's Market 2010, and have been equally as happily pouring over it since then. It's used, but since we're actually STILL in 2010 (unlike my first gifted Writer's Market 2002 back in 2004, but that's another story) I figured I could easily live with the highlighting. And I've been adding my own highlighting ever since.

I've mentioned before that I have become somewhat dissatisfied with my successes-- a horrible, ungrateful thing to say, but one full of hopeful ambition-- and have settled on my need to publish outside my local, campus magazines. They were a huge help in establishing my credit with myself and with the next stepping stone level, but now I do need to leap-frog to another, larger lilly. The Mandala Journal was a HUGE, miraculous increment. So I'm looking for others.

My poetry professor, who has been vital in the poet that I'm becoming, brought up in class the need to graduate beyond local publications. She very accurately said that a resume full of the same journals, all from the same town, actually discredits you rather than viably building a reputation. Being in this very painful position, I asked the question "When are you ready to submit to prestigious magazines? How do you know?"

Now, I don't remember what she said, but I believe it's along the same lines as my personal answer:

You're never ready. You'll never know. You'll just feel that you HAVE to.

One of the hardest things to submit to as a writer is the insubstantial nature of it all. We're in a subjective field, based on 10% technique, 40% personal opinion, and 50% experience.  Even as the writer, sometimes we have no clue what we just did or why we did it. The Muse, as much as I playfully personify her here, is in my belief INSTINCT followed by a shooter of INSPIRATION (which could be argued as nothing more than internalized, instinctual knowledge based on experience observation and perception.) So being able to vocalize 1) why I'm dissatisfied, 2) what I need to change, and 3) why I need to change is hard enough, without taking on the new conviction that I need to expand professionally without sounding a) conceited, b) arrogant, or c) delusional. Or any combination thereof.

I'm not able to. I'll never be able to. I just fell that I HAVE to. 

And I'm willing to live with that. So I'm off to highlight some more.

Write Now:
What I'm listening to: "All the Things She Said" by T.A.T.U.
What I want most: bookcases!!!!!! =)